Theresa

Up 2 lbs.

I was doing fine until last Thurs, and then I caved to the cravings. Had dinner out with a friend that night, and had a great steak and grilled shrimp dinner. Friday, didn’t do too bad- wanted a pizza so bad but was able to ignore the desire…. until Saturday, that is. Had to work Saturday morning- a cold, rainy, and just gloomy day in general, so I came home, turned the furnace on for the first time this fall, and took a long nap. Woke up depressed, crying, and ordered my pizza, and cheesy breadsticks. Ate all of the breadsticks but between yesterday and today I still have 4 pieces of pizza left which for me is unheard of. It wasn’t good, but it was better than it could have been. It’s time too see the Doctor for my 6 mos checkup in the next few weeks…. I think it may be time to talk seriously about antidepressants.

Tomorrow, I’m back on track. I hit the grocery store today and spent the afternoon cooking and prepping my meals for the week. No excuses now for not eating healthy this week. Looking forward to a better weigh-in next week. I’m halfway to my Halloween goal!

Have a good week everyone!

Down another 3.2lbs!!

Feeling pretty pleased with myself if I do say so myself. It’s been another good week foodwise. I definitely could do better with my water, and haven’t really added any exercise to the plan yet. I actually had a couple days when I was short on my points- just didn’t feel good after messing my back up,  and then TOM killed me for the rest of the week. Thankfully the worst is over and I’m starting to feel like a normal person again.

I had quite a lightbulb moment this week. Watched Biggest Loser this week and during the show one of the contestants was talking about how he grew up with an alcoholic father, and how hard that was, and that he didn’t want his own son going through those same feelings that he had as a child because of his obesity. Now, I’ve always said that food is my drug of choice, and when I’ve thought about what kind of life partner I’ve wanted, I knew that I would never be able to live with addiction again since I also had an alcoholic parent. But, look at what I’ve actually ended up doing…. I’ve forced myself to live with addiction every day of my life- of my own doing. I am addicted to food, it ultimately makes me miserable carrying around all this weight, yet I keep treating myself like crap because I can’t control myself. I can’t live like this anymore. I’ve been the person I wasn’t willing to live with my whole life. It’s time to stop- NOW!

Down 9.7lbs!!!

I went back to Weight Watchers this week- counting my points and it’s worked. The only tough time I had was last night when I just wanted “something”. Yes, it was late, I was watching TV, bored AND LONELY, but I ate four hard-boiled egg whites and went to bed! My weight was at an all-time high, my self esteem is lower than low and I know I have to do something or it’s only gonna get worse. I’m going to challenge myself for each holiday- working on losing 21lbs by Halloween right now.

I read something a week ago that helped me try again- maybe it will help someone else as well.

(Received from MountainWings-

This story changed my life and I thought maybe it could change
others too, so I’m sharing it with you.

This story was told to me by my sister, whom it happened to.

She was really upset because she hadn’t seen or spoken to her best
friend Jim in a couple of weeks. Finally he shows up at her door and
commands her to get dressed and go riding with him.  So she
finally does.

As they were riding, they passed a garden full of flowers.

Jim says “Do you see those flowers?”

“Yes,” she says.

“Do you think that when someone steps on those flowers that they
lie there and feel sorry for themselves?” Jim asks.

“No.”

“No, they immediately start to mend their wounds so they can
heal, and grow strong and healthy!”

They ride a little further and Jim points up in a tree,
“You see those squirrels up there?

Do you think that when people shoot at them they go hide
forever?”

“No,” she says.

About that time the ocean comes into sight.

Jim says “You see that ocean out there?

Do you think that when there’s a hurricane out there that the
ocean doesn’t go back out because it’s afraid to face the
storm?”

“No,” she says.

“Then, why have you stopped living because you have been hurt?”

That story really hit me like a ton of bricks!
The worst part was the fact that Jim died a short time later.
And that’s when she realized how much precious time she wasted.

Why have you stopped living because you have been hurt?

I DO!

Yup, I’m back at it again, and this time my intention is to only focus on what I need to do on a day-to-day basis, and just lose 10 pounds. The amount I’d like to get off is just too overwhelming for me to even think about. Self-sabotage is what does me in all the time but I know I can lose 10 pounds- heck, I’ve done that before- easily enough. Actually, I only need to lose 10 pounds 16 times! That seems even more do-able!

So, I’ve followed my food plan today, I’m behind in my water intake which explains why I’m blogging here to avoid eating something my body doesn’t really need. I know I’m just adjusting since I’ve been eating nothing but crap for months now and my weight is at an all-time high. I HAVE TO STOP THIS! Tomorrow, the plan is start working out- 3 days/week- before I allow myself any internet access. I can waste more time online… and in the meantime my waist keeps spreading. I’ve weighed in, measured everything that can be measured, food is prepped for tomorrow. Time to head off to bed-

Have a GREAT weekend, EVERYONE!

~Sallust

~John Wooden

Well, I think I can finally say I’m officially back! I’ve had a rough time the past few months and I want to thank my buddies that cared so much and never gave up on me- THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. The end of last year sucked- big time- for me. Emotionally I wasn’t in a very good place, I came down with a bad upper respiratory infection that turned into an intestinal bug and I was completely down for the count through the whole holiday season. It was not pretty, and after much concern from my friends I finally went to urgent care and got the meds I needed. The cherry on the top of it all was my sister getting mad at me for finally standing up for myself and hanging up on me- twice! We haven’t spoken since the beginning of November and in all honesty, I’m ok with that. I know that probably sounds bad, and I won’t get into the full history of our relationship but I know in my heart I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m not just being stubborn- I’ve just had enough of her being allowed to behave badly and my feelings not being valid.

Now, I’ve always felt that things happen for a reason, and I think me getting so sick was the impetus I needed to finally get my ass to the Dr for a thorough checkup. I’ve now done all that- Mammogram,and pap smear included!- and I’m now being treated for high blood pressure and if no better in 3 months, high cholesterol. It was the wake-up call I truly needed. At least I’m happy to report that my thyroid is normal and there are no signs of diabetes! I’m eating better, the weight is coming off, and I’m exercising cause I’ll be damned if I’ll be taking any more medication than I already am…. hopefully less, in fact- down the road. It’s ridiculous I had to let things get this far, but I can’t look back, only forward and work hard every day to correct the damage I’ve done to my body. I know I have only myself to blame, now I’m the only one who can take care of me to fix it. I plan to be around a lot more, and be a better buddy to everyone on my list!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Theresa

Start Over - Author Unknown

To start again means a victory’s been won
And starting over again means a race well run
And starting over again proves it can be done
So don’t just sit there —
START OVER

~Mark Twain~

I’ve learned…. That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!” makes my day.

I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned…. That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned…. That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.

I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.  

I’ve learned…. That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I’ve learned…. That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve learned… That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned…. That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I ‘ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned…. That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I’ve learned… That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’ve learned….. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost, someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned…. That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned…. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve learned…. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned…. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned…. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

~Eleanor Roosevelt~ 

Got a bit sidetracked with eating last night. The days I have off seem to be a challenge for me and despite knowing I wasn’t really hungry AND still needed to finish my water,  I ended up eating instead. Had some microwave popcorn, that wasn’t very good anyway, and some crackers with butter. Yup, all carbs. I’m blaming TOM on it since I’d been doing fine cutting back on them earlier in the week but the day my period hits I just NEEDED them. I really just need to throw them out so they can’t tempt me again. So far, I think I’ll be alright tonight, especially since I need to get to sleep early since I work tomorrow morning. Only a half day but getting up a 6:00am on a Saturday should be outlawed!! Ughhhh

Will try to keep myself accountable by blogging over the weekend- wish me luck… and you all have a good one!

Theresa